Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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