Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
