can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
