drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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