i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my being single is dangerous.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
