I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
