How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
