dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All I want is dick and wine.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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