Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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