they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
