I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
