it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
