nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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