I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
