My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
