The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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