you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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