she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
