How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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