Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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