You work out of a Hotel?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize