She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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