I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
