I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
