so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
