Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
