Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think I sprained my soul last night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
