im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
