he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
