I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
