No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
