this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize