Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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