Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
