Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
