I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
