Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize