I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
