i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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