i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
