i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
