Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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