if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
