I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
