Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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