Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
