is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I feel great
I just peed on a car
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize