You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
