If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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