I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
