I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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