wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
