People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
