im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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