You made me cry and you don't even care
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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