we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
