Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
