I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I could make wine with my vomit
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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