So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
