listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
