we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
