what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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