I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
