You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
