You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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