why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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