Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
