what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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