would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
