Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
