Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
