hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
