my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize