Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize