is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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