I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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