Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
