I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
