Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
