So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
