they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I met the friendliest cop last night
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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