Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
