I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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