My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
