i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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