Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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