can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
