it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
