Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
