I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
