I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
