I want you more than these girls want KFC
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
