oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
