I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
