the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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