Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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