Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
