New low: just hacked my moms facebook
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
